I'm torn as to what to write, so I'll hit both.

In terms of the hard facts, The Winter's Tale is kicking my ass. Seriously, I've never had such a "Well, fuck it" attitude towards class as I do right now. Probably not the best time, what with me trying to figure out what Honors Theses I'm going to pursue (having now almost agreed not to try one for each major...oh, no wait, there's my ego flaring up again) and the English one being due at the end of the month. Not sure what I'd even write about...the Reconstruction of English History through Renaissance Drama? The Inherent Need for Instruction in the Reading of Faulkner? Man, those sound good, huh? Yeah, too bad all it proves is that I'm still brilliant at bullshit. All hail the king.

But anyway, The Winter's Tale is amazing. Since it's with the Theater Program, as opposed to the student groups that I normally act with, the budget is ridiculous and so we have amazing sets, gorgeous costumes and incredible special effects. Oh, and the acting's good too...whatever. No, seriously, it's dramatically intense and I'm really excited about it going up this week and next....hint hint. I know, it's a ridiculously long way, but I still entertain foolish ideas that I don't go to school so far away from everyone. So yeah, I'm excited, especially because 11 members of my family are coming on Saturday...I'm still amazed at the support they've given me for my shows.

Things I'm dealing with right now: exhaustion. I was absolutely passing out at a party Saturday night from very little to drink, purely because I've just been running myself ragged over this play.

future, I have to call back a woman who's supposed to be representing my interests with Towers Perrin, an actuarial firm...sigh. It's hard to be friends with so many theater people who see something like doing this job as a sell-out. I honestly don't know what purer, more individual job I'd be giving up. Acting? I can't deal with the lack of stability, not as the basis for my life. I enjoy it now without worrying about it being the only way to pay my bills. Teaching? Hmmm, maybe. One of my cast-members, Brian, who graduated our senior year of high school, is now a fourth-grade teacher. The stories he tells really drains away the cynicism that seems to coat everything like a layer dust here at Georgetown. I don't know what it is about being here, but it's so devoid of big ideas sometimes. It's like we've collected all of the people who have been fucked over, be it by their government, their political party, their parents, their general ideals. Is that just Georgetown? I hope so, because if that's the state of America or even just American higher education right now, then I might honestly start crying.

I'm so tired of the sell-out debate within myself. It's like I feel like showing the world I'm conflicted about it makes me feel like I'm showing everyoen that I have a good heart being repressed by the system. It's not true. Frankly, I haven't found what it is that I feel like I NEED to do yet. So I'm going to do what I can until I do. If you have great ideas and great dreams and a drive to do one particular thing, for god's sake, do it. Good for you, honestly. But leave me alone if I haven't figured it out yet. I guarantee everyone that loves me and worries about me putting all my potential to good use that when I find that thing, I will drop everything that isn't important.

Writing? Most definitely.

By the way, my Faulkner class is both inspiring, fascinating and, as you might have noticed, slightly liberating in terms of my writing. I'm not trying to emulate, but I trust that people will follow my ideas when I jump around.

Oh, damn it, the crazy security lady who works outside of my Residence Hall Office is spraying the air freshener again...she's NUTS.

Anyway, I've got to reread the Quentin chapter of The Sound and the Fury, so I'm gonna go do that. Take it easy everyone and Happy Valentine's Day to all my southern girls.