There is hope. Something up there knew just what I needed.
I don't mean to brag. I hope everyone just realizes how reassuring and perfectly timed this was:
Ian,
Your last essay is brilliant -- the best essay I've received in the class so far and the first to earn an unqualified A (as opposed to an A-).
May I distribute it in class on Tuesday?
That is from my English professor.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
It's been a while since I've blogged and here are some excuses. All apply:
1. Too much work, I had an Ethics paper that meant a lot grade-wise and an English paper that meant a lot to me personally (see 2), so I've been swamped. Chalk that up with W;t rehearsals and everyday homework, and well, let's just say the book is really crawling along at this point.
2. I'm lost in a lot of ways. I don't know, something has me completely baffled spiritually and personally. One thing I know is that I'm having serious problems with my future in teaching. Nothing has changed in what I want. I still love the idea of teaching and I still love English and Math. But one passing line in a one-act play I saw Saturday hit me "like a freight train with a sledgehammer rigged to the front." The play was called "How Not to Be a Genius," and as far as I can tell, it was about how certain people are pinned as geniuses and up and comers and don't know how they got there while everyone around them thinks so highly of them, combined with (once again, in my appraisal) how being a genius for just one person can be enough. Anyway, one of the lines, spoken by a husband to his high school teacher wife who is working on her master's went as follows: "Well, you know what they say, those who can't do, teach."
And that's where the little seed of doubt was planted, or perhaps it was there and that was like dumping fertilizer on it. I don't know, but something about it made me feel like my dreams of teaching are just settling for a belief that I'll never accomplish something myself. I mean, I understand math, but what am I going to do with it? I soak existing concepts up like a sponge, but I can't extrapolate well at all, so what can I contribute?
That's why this English paper was so important to me, because I was getting the feeling that all I've ever done in english classes, especially in the realm of critical essays, is complete and utter bullshit. So in writing this English paper, which attempted to reconcile Todorov's concept of transformation with Abbott's concept of closure (for anyone who REALLY cares), I was trying to prove to myself that I contribute. In economics terms, I wanted to feel like there was some value added at my level, something worth it. In the end, I feel like I succeeded. Ironically, due to the subject matter, there are probably about 9 people in the world who could even begin to care about what I said (and there are about 16 people in the class), but still, I finished the paper and felt like it was mine. I needed it to be mine.
3. Dude, I'm in college. I've been watching movies, chillin with friends, going out to dinner, checking out concerts (Seven Nations this weekend, yeah bagpipe rock), and playing racquetball, so I rarely find time. I didn't want everyone to think I'm moping about here in DC. Usually I recognize what I'm dwelling on, set it aside, and have a blast.
So no worries regarding the whole teacher thing. I try to keep in mind that it's still what I want to do, and I'm writing, and I might actually be able to contribute something to the study of literature, so things aren't all bad. I guess I just wish it didn't feel so much like a consolation prize sometimes.
1. Too much work, I had an Ethics paper that meant a lot grade-wise and an English paper that meant a lot to me personally (see 2), so I've been swamped. Chalk that up with W;t rehearsals and everyday homework, and well, let's just say the book is really crawling along at this point.
2. I'm lost in a lot of ways. I don't know, something has me completely baffled spiritually and personally. One thing I know is that I'm having serious problems with my future in teaching. Nothing has changed in what I want. I still love the idea of teaching and I still love English and Math. But one passing line in a one-act play I saw Saturday hit me "like a freight train with a sledgehammer rigged to the front." The play was called "How Not to Be a Genius," and as far as I can tell, it was about how certain people are pinned as geniuses and up and comers and don't know how they got there while everyone around them thinks so highly of them, combined with (once again, in my appraisal) how being a genius for just one person can be enough. Anyway, one of the lines, spoken by a husband to his high school teacher wife who is working on her master's went as follows: "Well, you know what they say, those who can't do, teach."
And that's where the little seed of doubt was planted, or perhaps it was there and that was like dumping fertilizer on it. I don't know, but something about it made me feel like my dreams of teaching are just settling for a belief that I'll never accomplish something myself. I mean, I understand math, but what am I going to do with it? I soak existing concepts up like a sponge, but I can't extrapolate well at all, so what can I contribute?
That's why this English paper was so important to me, because I was getting the feeling that all I've ever done in english classes, especially in the realm of critical essays, is complete and utter bullshit. So in writing this English paper, which attempted to reconcile Todorov's concept of transformation with Abbott's concept of closure (for anyone who REALLY cares), I was trying to prove to myself that I contribute. In economics terms, I wanted to feel like there was some value added at my level, something worth it. In the end, I feel like I succeeded. Ironically, due to the subject matter, there are probably about 9 people in the world who could even begin to care about what I said (and there are about 16 people in the class), but still, I finished the paper and felt like it was mine. I needed it to be mine.
3. Dude, I'm in college. I've been watching movies, chillin with friends, going out to dinner, checking out concerts (Seven Nations this weekend, yeah bagpipe rock), and playing racquetball, so I rarely find time. I didn't want everyone to think I'm moping about here in DC. Usually I recognize what I'm dwelling on, set it aside, and have a blast.
So no worries regarding the whole teacher thing. I try to keep in mind that it's still what I want to do, and I'm writing, and I might actually be able to contribute something to the study of literature, so things aren't all bad. I guess I just wish it didn't feel so much like a consolation prize sometimes.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Yes, A Kids, I know I posted this on our blog, but it's news to others...
So, guys, we all know that I will be moving this summer and until today it looked like I was going to end up in Baltimore, which is sort of unfortunate, because it was the lesser of the two potential places. HOWEVER, today I got some fascinating news. My mom was looking at jobs beyond her current company and attracted the eye of a company in Pennsylvania that needs specialists like her. So, this would mean that she would be living in the Philly area, which is close to the family, which is great and is further from me than Baltimore, which was a little close for comfort, though I would have managed. But that, my friends, is not the amazing part.
The amazing part is this: we won't be able to sell the house by the time she would have to start work, regardless I believe of which job she ends up with, so that means that I will be living the life of a bachelor in Alpharetta for part of the summer, baby! Granted, I'll probably be working, but nonetheless, how cool is that?
So, guys, we all know that I will be moving this summer and until today it looked like I was going to end up in Baltimore, which is sort of unfortunate, because it was the lesser of the two potential places. HOWEVER, today I got some fascinating news. My mom was looking at jobs beyond her current company and attracted the eye of a company in Pennsylvania that needs specialists like her. So, this would mean that she would be living in the Philly area, which is close to the family, which is great and is further from me than Baltimore, which was a little close for comfort, though I would have managed. But that, my friends, is not the amazing part.
The amazing part is this: we won't be able to sell the house by the time she would have to start work, regardless I believe of which job she ends up with, so that means that I will be living the life of a bachelor in Alpharetta for part of the summer, baby! Granted, I'll probably be working, but nonetheless, how cool is that?
Thursday, February 05, 2004
I went for a walk tonight with Chris, something both of us needed. It was a good trip, funny at times and serious at others. At one point, Chris was interrupted mid-sentence as he slid on some ice and landed on his back. I was about to laugh when his foot slid into mine and my legs kicked out from under me, sending me to the sidewalk alongside him. We laughed our asses off first, then struggled to our feet and went onward. The conversation remained intense as we hit Wisconsin, walked down to M Street and took a right to get back up to campus. As we passed a night club, some sort of freakish publicity guy started yelling at us to come in for "Ladies Night." After we passed him, he shouted after us, "Come on, you can buy the girls drinks, get 'em drunk and f*** 'em!" Our initial shock gave way to more laughter as he clearly knew where our interests lie. After picking up some Subway, we made our way back to campus and walked to Harbin, picking up PJ on the way. The three of us climbed the stairs of the dorm that none of us live in and found a place for Chris and I to eat and for everyone to hang around for a while. Eventually Chris and PJ left, and I followed suit after a short game of Shelfball with a package of plastic plates and the refridgerator. So yeah, that's a not-so-average night here at Georgetown.
Monday, February 02, 2004
The interesting college thought of this weekend is the amazing introduction of a group of guy friends into my life. Now, first of all, I must add a disclaimer about my A Kid males. Guys, it was always great to hang out with you and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but we all know how things went whenever girls' night rolled around; our social lives would spend a night on the bench and then return the next time we could all hang out. With the exception of a few good one on one conversations here and there, we just didn't hang out well as just guys, and frankly, that wasn't a terrible thing for us. We still had a great time when we were all together. Plus, I always felt like I got along better with women then men right off the bat, something that I could have been mistaken about all along. I just usually felt more comfortable having a long talk with a girl then with a guy.
Here in Georgetown, however, I'm finally finding myself absolutely psyched about the prospect of living with Tom, Moffet and James next year. In everything from the kick ass Mafia party Saturday to raging at each other during the Super Bowl, and all of the movies in between, I always have an absolute blast. I know I've said this eighty-some-odd times since last night, but I can't wait to blow up the picture of Tom, the cigar-smoking Godfather, sitting with James and Moffet in black on either side, and me up on the windowsill with my black eye, gloves, and beatin' stick. Again, I don't mean to sell short any of the other guys we hang with by any means, because they're all great as well and I'm amazed at how much fun everyone is to hang around. These particular three guys just fit so well with my sense of humor and love of a good movie, not to mention being great people in general. Plus, I mean, who couldn't like the plans to get rooms with an adjoining bathroom, throw all the beds into one room and make an entertainment center? I just hope the prospect thereof gets me a few more out of town guests from home (hint hint).
Here in Georgetown, however, I'm finally finding myself absolutely psyched about the prospect of living with Tom, Moffet and James next year. In everything from the kick ass Mafia party Saturday to raging at each other during the Super Bowl, and all of the movies in between, I always have an absolute blast. I know I've said this eighty-some-odd times since last night, but I can't wait to blow up the picture of Tom, the cigar-smoking Godfather, sitting with James and Moffet in black on either side, and me up on the windowsill with my black eye, gloves, and beatin' stick. Again, I don't mean to sell short any of the other guys we hang with by any means, because they're all great as well and I'm amazed at how much fun everyone is to hang around. These particular three guys just fit so well with my sense of humor and love of a good movie, not to mention being great people in general. Plus, I mean, who couldn't like the plans to get rooms with an adjoining bathroom, throw all the beds into one room and make an entertainment center? I just hope the prospect thereof gets me a few more out of town guests from home (hint hint).