Ok, so I think I figured out why this summer isn't exactly welcome in my mind. I mean, I'm thrilled about the break, but other than that, it's kind of annoying, and here's why.

See, we're in college now. News flash, I know, but the fact of the matter is, we're all used to a degree of freedom now. Granted, with that freedom has come responsibilities, but most of us are up to the task of being responsible.

Flash forward to summer. Suddenly we're back home and a lot of the freedom is gone. Sure, curfews are gonna be later (or earlier in the morning rather), but other than that, it's not like we can all just hang out in rooms all night or anything. The problem with this is, at least for me and I think for others as well, this summer is supposed to be a time to think about serious jobs. So basically, we get more responsibilities with less freedom. We've been spoiled by college and this summer's going to be constrictive by comparison. I think this is why the bachelorhood summer that has since fallen through was so appealling. We would have actually managed to keep this college thing going through summer and had a great time. That's also why it was so discouraging to lose that, because now I feel like I have to face up to the fact that a lot of this summer is gonna be working and then not getting to be as free and relaxed.

It's a bummer, unfortunately. I hate throwing it out there to depress people and hey, even over Easter break, we had long conversations in kitchens, long nights at the playgrounds and so forth. We'll make due, I'm sure. It just happened to hit me why I was apprehensive about the summer.

Ok, so in an effort to put off the ending of my English paper that tries to reconcile narrative thought with scientific/mathematical thought, I have decided to review a couple of things I have partaken in recently. We have a couple of books, a movie, trailers, and other little things.

Books

The Eight - I got this book for Christmas after having asked for it when it was Amazon-recommended for people who liked the Da Vinci Code. I was hoping that it would have the Da Vinci Code's amazing knowledge of symbols while also possessing some decent writing and style.

I was horribly disappointed. It had SO much potential. The whole idea of people actually being different chess pieces in a giant game played all over the world was awesome. The legend of Charlemagne's chess service and its power was also really intriguing. The historical characters would have been great if the author hadn't turned it into a who's who of European History and AP Literature, using the same freaking template every time:

"[random main character] saw him from across the room. Among all the others, he stood apart, with his [description of hair], [description of usually piercing eyes], and his Roman Coin features (she so overused that description). She walked across the room to him. He caught her eye, smiled and she saw the power within him. His name was Maximilien Robespierre/Benedict Arnold/Jean Paul(?) Marat/Catherine the Great/Jean-Jacques Rousseau/Tallyrand/Robert Blake/William Blake/etc."
[end chapter]

I'm not kidding, about 15 chapters ended with a dun dun DUN about some historical figure. It was ridiculous. Like I said, it had so much potential. The characters could have been more intriguing, and the plot just aborted at the end with some cheesy immortal life bullshit. So, it committed the same sins as the Da Vinci code, perhaps amplified, along with way too self-aware writing, and not enough cool knowledge of history. Just name dropping.


On the Road (in progress) So far this book has been amazing. Some of the things Kerouac describes are just incredibly poignant and even though it's in the simplest words, you identify with it. I recommend it to anyone who's feeling a bit overcome by where they feel like they are in the world right now. I'll review more extensively when I finish.


Movies

The Punisher
I was SO surprised by this. This had some of the worst publicity ever, with cheesy voiceovers in the trailers and awful shots of Thomas Jane mugging it up all over the place. It was so good, though. Some of the lines were really witty. The characters were intriguing and the revenge was sweet. I'd say it was like the Count of Monte Cristo, but people would probably chastise me for mixing literature with comic book characters. The action pushed a few of my violence thresholds, although not really for goriness, just for suspense and what would seem really painful. I'll never look at a paper cutter the same way again.

As for the downsides, it could have used a little more time on how the legal system didn't work. Castle just sort of immediately takes things into his own hands with only one scene of him chastising the investigation of his family's murder. Also, while I know they have to do the whole comic book movie "He's still out there" part (like spiderman webbing around the city at the end), it could have found a less cheesy way to pull that off.

All in all, I'm impressed with Thomas Jane, the kid with the piercings from Get Over It, whoever came up with the revenge and whoever choreographed the Russian's fight scene, which was like the movie itself: Badass and hilarious. Good Movie.

Trailers

I'll just say which ones people should check out at : Spiderman 2 (the new one, not the cafe one), I, Robot (people should read the Issaac Asimov book as well), Dodgeball (Come on, Vince Vaughn AND Ben Stiller? Too funny for words), and the second Punisher one because its much better than the cheesy first one.

Thanks for letting me indulge, back to my paper...

It’s early, really early. I could probably go to sleep right now, but I have to get some stuff off my chest. Lots of stuff.

So life’s getting more real by the day. Yeah, I know what they say. We’re just freshman. We have all the time in the world. Well, I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like the real world is just around the corner. Part of this is because of the graduation thing. Other parts are more mental, more internal.

I feel like I’ve lost control of where my life is headed. The funny thing is, I can’t tell who HAS the controls in my stead. I could easily blame it on mom, but that’s not the truth.

The truth is that some less romantic, perhaps more realistic, and far more acquiescent version of myself is taking over. For instance, this summer, I’ve chosen to work as an actuarial intern. Last year, when my mom first suggested actuary as a lucrative job for a math major, I snubbed it for its boring responsibilities and how it seemed like a sell out to my real passions. However, now I want to make some money on the side. I want to get experience in a math field. Perhaps I am selling out. Maybe that’s why I find it so disheartening that the great summer plans are shot to shit. Their incredible promise of a wonderful summer counter-acted my anguish at getting a real job. Not even a real job. A real job is your waiter/waitress/store clerk. This is closer to a real real job, you know? An occupation. Now that’s really all I have to look forward to this summer, besides the chance of randomly moving. I feel like the decision to go ahead with the internship wasn’t made by me, that I am somehow above it, still holding my dream of the powerful and influential teacher. And yet it’s still my life, no matter “who” makes the decisions. Am I really going to be happy with this? Or more importantly, am I actually going to reach the point where I do sacrifice happiness for my job? Wasn’t that what we were trying to avoid all this time?

I’m at a stalemate. My future’s too clean-cut and dream-ravaging to dwell upon. Thinking too much about the present makes me think of whether or not I’m happy I’m at Georgetown, which isn’t as sure a topic as one would hope it would be. And as for the past, I’ve been considering that lately, too. I saw some old friends from teen group at Easter Mass and I realized how easily those memories are shoved aside in my definition of myself. I spent several years as not only a participant, but a pillar of something spiritual and moving and I’d be surprised if I think about it more than once every three months. Except now. Now I wonder how something so huge in my life once plays such a small role in my head now. What does that say about my other memories? Would they suffer the same fate of omission if I didn’t talk to the A Kids all the time or hang out with them on breaks? I just don’t understand how things can be so crucial and powerful when they happen, but seem so inconsequential in the remembrance. I wish it were otherwise, because even now, it takes a trip to the Friedman journal to remember everything; I look at the pictures I have and wish I had thousands more. I wish I had more to show for things like Teen Group or TiP or Academic Bowl or things that “changed my life” and yet I don’t think of at all now.

I know, it’s all so depressing. Not entirely. When I think of the memories, I smile. When I hang with my Gtown friend, goof around with theater folk, have a good class, talk to friends from home, I feel happy. And when I consider that someday I will teach, or the idea that being an actuary might be like math homework all day long with pay, the future doesn’t seem so bad.

This is where I am, and yet it’s not. It’s what I think about and yet it’s not a pressing issue. It’s important, but doesn’t matter. It’s life-changing and yet trivial.

So that’s what I’ve been kicking around.

ARGGGGGGGGGGG

So I'm sitting at home, first night back, and my mom and I are talking about her job situation. And she says this guy is still working on getting her the job in Pennsylvania, whatever. Then, suddenly and completely nonchalantly, she says "Yeah, so we're gonna end up being here until August."
"We?" I ask.
"Yeah," she answers. "I'm probably not getting out of here as early as we thought."

There you have it. Once again, Mom juggles around this whole situation without keeping me posted and one of the greatest aspects of the summer plans is shot to shit. Granted, Sterling is still more than welcome to stay with us, but still, the whole concept has lost that "It's too good to be true" feeling, probably because it was too good to be true.

Oh well, it sucks, but I'd rather enjoy being home and feel down about it later. People, call me when you get home! We'll do dinner or something!

Sometime soon, I'm going to need to sit down and write a very honest, very serious blog or journal or something about what I'm doing in this whole life thing. I don't know. I just feeling like I'm going through college now with my hands pressed tightly against my ears in order to block out the reality of it all. So yeah, Easter Break might just be the time to do that.

Why is my left hand cursed?

No, seriously, my left hand has suffered countless injuries and indignities while my right hand lives the high life. For instance, when I stabbed under my nail with a pencil before the SATs, leaving a permanent black mark under the skin and a consistent trench in the middle of the nail? My left ring finger! Slammed in a car door and fell off, only to grow back with a permanent white stripe down the middle? My left middle finger! Hit wrong with a football before Spring Break and still painful to bend all the way? My left ring finger again!

And today, I not only noticed that the tip of my left index finger is losing its pigment, but also that same index finger got caught in a bed frame when James jumped at me with a knitting needle aimed at my heart, scratching off a layer of nail and skin.

It is cursed, I tell you!!!

And that's the only interesting thing going on for me right now.

DIP BALL!!!!

Ok, so last night was Diplomatic Ball, the big important formal of Georgetown. Yesterday, I went with Moffet and James to pick up our tuxes. I only tried on the important stuff while there, because we were just checking size, but it already looked pretty sharp. I have to say my favorite moment was when James upturned a small paper bag that he believed to contain only his tie. However, his buttons and cufflinks were in it as well and they came sliding out and onto the floor. All Moff and I heard was a bunch of small tinkling sounds and then James’ unmistakable “Oh God!” That made the trip for me.

Once we hit campus again, I took the tux to my room and tried it on, once again realizing that I love wearing a tux. Give me a burgundy vest and tie, some cufflinks and a nice jacket and I’m already having a good time. So anyway, I passed the hours from 4ish to about 6:30, when I dressed up again and brought my jacket over to Tom and James’s room. James, Aaron and I helped get everything together and Tom lent me his amazing overcoat due to the weather. We decided that I was on my way to resembling Patrick Bateman and so we took a picture of me coming up behind James to strangle him.

After waiting like guys are supposed to, the girls came out of their staging room looking stunning. Celeste looked gorgeous in her dress, which totally worked out with my tux without me even knowing beforehand. We took a few quick pictures and then started our walk down to M street and dinner at Paparazzi. Dinner worked out well even in light of the reservations mishap. Anna, Aaron, Celeste and I had a good time at our table and had some amazing appetizers. I’ve never tasted such good tomatoes in my life.

Then came the entrées, and I must say, I have never had a piece of meat as exquisite as the veal chop I was served. It was just heaven with a side of seasoned potatoes. After dinner, we hopped some cabs and were on our way to the National Museum of Women in the Arts.

Once we arrived, we showed our tickets, got our hands stamped and checked our coats. The dance floor was a bit small, but still fun, lit by gorgeous chandeliers and surrounded by two magnificent marble staircases. It was pretty incredible. What’s even more incredible was that I pulled off formal dancing all night. In fact, Celeste and I even put on a good show during a swing song. Granted, it was all improvised, but we got some compliments, so I feel confident in my formal dancing ability.

We had a great time all night. I enjoyed dancing with various ladies in the group, and one surprise dance that was surprising mainly in the fact that I even asked. All in all, I had a fantastic night and I hope Celeste did as well, because she was a wonderful date and a smokin’ dance partner. I’m tired now, though, and unfortunately I have to jump back into tech weekend for my show. And so it goes…