WTF's of the Day(Friday)

1. Ok, this one was segmented. I finished watching Hellboy last night (Verdict: Women won't get it, guys should see it for Ron Perlman's performance, but otherwise, eh....) Anyway, there's this villain in the film named Karl Kroenan. He's the guy in the previews with the freakish spinning knives on his arms (his scenes are pretty sweet too). Anyway, today, I'm starting on this stack of policies I have to go through and the first name is Dennis P. Cronin. Weird, I think, but not VERY weird. So about an hour later, I'm about to go to lunch and I open my desk to get my bag, where I find a huge stack of policies I went through several days ago. The first name on the list? Jacqueline A. Cronyn. That one rocked my world.

WTF's of the Day(Thursday)
Unfortunately, yesterday's WTF's weren't as interesting as others, but here's what we scraped together.

1. During our quest for mini-golf last night, NSync came on the satellite radio with "Bye Bye Bye" (Man, that's old now. Can you imagine those guys doing like a huge Rolling Stones size tour when they're like 40? Yeah, me neither) Anyway, everyone in the car began dancing, particularly Kate and I in the front. I even sacrificed the entirety of my self-respect and did that little waving arm thing from the video........*shudder*. Anyhow, when mini-golf got rained out, we went to Champps for some Karaoke (except the bastards wouldn't let us get up and do it because you have to be 21, which makes no sense). While Joe and I were looking through the songbook, Joe pointed out "Bye Bye Bye" under Nsync's name.  The pros of this one are that Joe wasn't in the car when we sang Bye Bye Bye and it was like the only Nsync song the book had. The cons are that it was a big book of song titles and the chances of seeing a song you just heard were pretty good. So all in all, I've seen better.

WTF's of the Day (Wednesday)

1. So Joe and I are in the Johnsons' kitchen (like ya do) and Kate was telling us about how, when she was at the national tournament this past week, her bedmate had some gas issues. First, let it be known that female gas would normally not be acknowledged as a phenomenon, but this is in the interest of crackpot science. And we're talking, and Joe and I explain the term Dutch Oven, which, and I'm really sorry about this, everyone, is the act of expelling gas underneath sheets. So anyway, we go upstairs, turn on Sex and the City, and, sure enough, Carrie is freaking out about farting in Mr. Big's bed. Weirded out.
2. So we see a commercial for Tomb Raider and Joe and I flip out because they show that scene where she shoots the monkey that SO blatantly ripped off Raiders of the Lost Ark. So we talk about how the 3rd Indy movie is the best, then the first, then the second. And we go on to talk about how, when you're young, you like Return of the Jedi and find Empire Strikes Back too long and wordy, but when you're older, Empire is the masterpiece of the series........ANYWHO, so Katie says, "But the third one has the Ewoks!" and then I recalled at lunch being incredibly surprised to find the word Ewoks in my daily crossword. I mean, it's not like you talk about Ewoks everyday, unless you're Lucas, or perhaps Warwick Davis....anyone know who that is?

And, if you think these things aren't really that freaky, then you should know that I too sort of lose my amazement when I type them out, so let's all have a moment of silence for my fading imagination.

WTF's of the Day

1. I was listening to Linkin Park's "Points of Authority" last week and thought up an action sequence where people are hiding in a sewer and then blow off the manhole and start attacking from the sewer. In this daydream/movie idea, the manhole went flying through the air and ends up crashing on someone. While in Barnes & Noble today, scouring the front racks for a fun book, I came across a funny book filled with things you never knew you had to worry about. Anyway, one of the sample things on the back was "Did you ever know you could be killed by a flying manhole?"
2. This weekend, we had a conversation with Hanley about lyrics that people got wrong (I love Hanley's version of "Groovin'" with "Life could be ecstasy, you and me and Leslie" instead of "endlessly"). Anyway, today in Barnes & Noble again, right next to the Paranoia book mentioned above, there was a whole book of misheard lyrics called He's got the Whole World in his Pants. Not only that, but Dobie Gray's "Drift Away" (see yesterday) was in it for "Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul."
3. Isn't it wonderful that I find a paranoia book while I'm keeping track of all these coincidences? I think so.
4. I just realized that the misheard lyrics book also has "Afternoon Delight" which Joe, Chris and I broke into several times over the weekend. "Pineapples in flight, afternoon delight".

I guess I could go through the book forever and come across tons of songs I heard recently, so it's a stretch, but it was still one of those body shiver moments.

So, I don't know if anyone's still checking this, but here they are, the Road Trip Quotes of the trip to Flat Rock, NC to see Hanley Smith in Beauty and the Beast (She was fabulous, by the by). Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Ian, Joe, Meghan and Chris (or Kramer, since I can't help but flip back and forth).


In the car...

Ian: "Hey, Chris, remember when you were talking to me on AIM about the letter Meghan wrote to you and you typed that it was 'wonderfuk'?
Kramer: "Oh yeah! That was funny!"
Joe: "Wonderfuk sounds like it should mean something..."
Meghan: "Yeah, it really does. Well, maybe it means like 'awesomely bad'"
Joe: "Yeah, like, 'How was your day?' 'Oh, god, it was wonderfuk'"

Ian: "Alright, 'Walk this Way' guitar solo!"
Ian speeds up along the small mountain highway
Kramer: "How're we doin'?"
Ian: "115!"
Joe: "Isn't this a 60?"
Ian: "Yeah it is!"
Meghan: "GUYS! This is license revoking material!!!"

Meghan (lunging for Chris in the backseat): "OW!"
Ian: "What?"
Meghan: "Wow, that's some child safety lock on these seatbelts."

Ian: "Look, it's an arts center. You can tell because the sign is made up of arty stuff."
Joe: "Or a fruity center, by that logic."

Meghan: "'Doughboys and Doughnuts!"
Ian: "That's 'Doughboy's Doughnuts'! DAMN IT, MEGHAN!"

Ian: "I've gotta find somewhere to plark"
Joe: "Did you say 'plark'?"
Kramer: "Haha, where can we plark?"
Ian: "Plark!"
Meghan: "Gotta kerplark!"
Ian: "DAMN IT, MEGHAN! It's PLARK! Not Kerplark! Plark!"

Ian: "Meghan, get in your corner."
Meghan: "But we're in a car. We all have corn-"
Ian: "MEGHAN!"

Meghan (to Ian) : "Bitch!"
Ian: "Meghan! Do not call me a bitch!...I'm male, call me a bastard."

Ian (repeated line): "Poor Meghan!"

Kramer (for some stupid reason after we picked up flowers for Han): "Meghan, how long has it been since I gave you flowers?"
Meghan: "A long, long time, Chris."
Kramer: "Yeah, it was like Valentine's Day or something."
Meghan: "Yeah."
--seconds pass--
Kramer: "Well, maybe if YOU-"
Ian: "KRAMER! STOP! Do NOT finish that sentence!"

Joe (looking at a license place that says "RICEUNIV"): "Wonder where THEY go"
Ian: "Hey, how do you know it's not Riceun the fourth? LORD Riceun IV! I am Lord Riceun IV! WORSHIP ME!"

Sign in Hendersonville: "If you SEEN the accident on this corner on 07/19/2004, please call this number" (The accident, by the way, was apparently between a black Durango and a semi. Man, I wish I did seen that).

Ian: "Hey, look, a Kudzu tree penis!"
Meghan: "Ian! Gross!"
Ian (as we drive past tons of Kudzu): "Oh, GOD, they're EVERYWHERE!"
Everyone: "AHHHHH!"

Meghan (to Ian): "You flick that wrist!"

Ian: "Watch out, those cookies smell pretty strong."
Kramer: "Oh, wow, yeah they do"
Joe: "Yeah, I can smell that up here."
Ian: "Yeah, they're definitely the 151 of cookies."

Ian (holding an empty 32 ounce BP soda): "Wow, guess I was thirsty."
Meghan: "Ian, we left the gas station like ten minutes ago."

Joe: "Turn here"
Ian: "But that's 185. We want 85"
Joe: "It's gonna take us TO 85"
Chris: "285? That's nowhere near here"
Joe: "Not 285, TO 85, we're going TO 85!"
Meghan: "But you have to get on 85 to get to 285"
Ian: "And we're on 185"
Joe: "Which goes TO 85, which you can use to get to 285"
Meghan: "But we don't need to get on 285! We need to get TO 85!"
Kramer: "THIRD BASE!"

Around town...

Ian: "Wow, I think we gave that waitress a really good tip"
Joe: "Eh, she just broke up with her boyfriend. She deserves it."

Ian: "What do you think we would have done if we'd grown up in a town like this?"
Joe: "Started drinking earlier."

Joe (to our hostess at a diner) : "See you later!"
--outside, a second later--
Joe: "What am I saying? I'll never see her again."

Joe: "I want a picture of the Burly Bear violating me"

Ian (in the Irish Pub) : "God, the one time in my life I can actually do simple math without screwing it up and I'm wasting it on a darts game!"

Ian: "Hey, guys, this ice cream place is 'Open Late' to 10 o'clock."

At Flat Rock Playhouse...

Meghan (after Ian said something disparaging yet forgettable): Ian!!
Meghan jumps on Ian's back. Ian then grabs a leg, lifts her up and dangles her over the floor
Ian: "Now, what have we learned?"
Meghan: "Um, not to go anywhere near your general back area."
Ian: "Good"

Ian: "I guess I'm just romantic sometimes"
Meghan: "It's nice to be romantic sometimes though...AHEM"
Kramer (singing): "I'm not listening!"

Joe (referring to the Playgirl in the girls' dorm) : "I mean, that one guy really didn't have much to be proud of"
Ian: "Yeah, you figure if your member is going to be seen by millions of women and gay men, you'd want to have something to show for it."
Joe: "Well, more like millions of gay men and a handful of women."

Kramer (looking at a Playboy): "Oh sweet, check this out!"
--shows the page to Ian--
Ian: "Dude, that's a car!"
Kramer: "It's a Murcialago!" (spelled wrong, I'm sure)
Joe: "That's not what Playboy is for!"

Joe (as we walk on a massive flat rock formation in front of the playhouse): "So, is this the flat rock of Flat Rock Playhouse?"
Hanley: "Yes, Joe, it is. How observant of you!"
Ian: "Hey, we were all thinkin' it"

BONUS CRANIUM GAME SECTION!

Cameo clue: Hormones
Kramer acting out pheremones
Joe: "Pheremones!"
Kramer indicates horns
Joe: "Horny Pheremones! Horny Pheremones!"

Sculptorades clue: Lego
Chris Brown makes a near-perfect 3X2 Lego block out of the Cranium Clay
Meghan: "Car? People? Dots?"
Chris Brown makes a smaller block and puts it on the other one
Meghan: "Lego!"
Ian: "Weird how you need to see the building process to truly understand Lego"

Copycat clue: Winston Churchill
Liz: "Ok, I think I'm a poet...my first name sounds like the coldest season and my last name sounds like a place to worship"

Copycat clue: Clint Eastwood
Liz: "My first name sounds like the president that cheated on his wife and my last name is a direction and what trees are made of"
Ian: "Westwood! Westwood? Oh, Clint Eastwood!"

Copycat clue: Bullwinkle
Ian (in Bulwinkle voice and hands for antlers) : "Hey!"
Liz: "Bullwinkle!"
Ian: "Well, that was easy!"

Cameo clue: Gone with the Wind
Chris Brown (as he sweeps his hand away from the table) : "Whoosh!"
Meghan: "Gone with the Wind!"
Chris Brown: "Yes!"
Kramer: "Are you kidding me?!"

Cameo Clue: Washboard Abs
Hanley: "And go!"
Kramer rips off his shirt and starts rubbing it down his abs.
Joe: "Washboard!"
Kramer nods and points at his abs.
Joe: "Abs! Washboard Abs!"
Kramer: "Yes!"
Ian: "Kramer, you cocky bastard!"

Cameo clue: Greenhouse
Joe points to the green side of the board
Kramer: "Star! Board! Cards!"
Joe picks up the box of green cards and indicates the side
Kramer: "Rub! Side! Box!"
Joe starts pointing to every green space on the board
Kramer: "Space! Board?"
Joe starts looking frantically around the room for green things
Kramer: "Searching!"
Joe gives up and makes a house with his hands
Kramer: "House!"
Joe nods happily and starts pointing at the board again
Kramer: "Board House! Game House!"
Liz gives Joe a green hair tie. Joe violently gestures at the hair tie and every green space on the board
Kramer: "Hair tie! Rubber band! Space! What?!"
Ian points to a potted tree. Joe points to the tree frantically
Kramer: "Tree? Treehouse! No? Bush! Plant!"
Hanley: "Time!"
Ian: "Chris, you just failed the first grade."

And that's what I have for now, but I'll keep adding more at the bottom of each section, because I know there are more. I have to check with the others.

And in my other new Blog section, I am keeping track of all of the really off-the-wall coincidences that happen to me all the time. Meghan thinks that I'm just noticing them more and that, statistically, I'm just not noticing all the times that coincidental things do not happen. However, my coincidences pop up REALLY frequently, so I feel like keeping track.

1. Saturday night, after Kramer and Joe couldn't get the clue "Edsel" when the hint was "Ford Failure," we explained the Edsel as a car that sucked when it came out. In today's crossword, there was a clue "Ford flop" and the answer, of course, was Edsel.

2. Today, I was listening to the small CD I made for Senior Prom and usually I just skim it, listen to "Old Time Rock and Roll" and "The Remedy" and then go to the next CD. Today, however, I stopped on "Drift Away" and sang along with that on the way to work. Today, during lunch, after my crossword was done, I was looking at the celebrity birthdays and sure enough, Dobie Gray (who originally sang "Drift Away" and joins Uncle Kracker in the cover) was born today. I didn't even put the CD in in the first place; Joe put it in during the ride home.

I'm sure these will get boring for everyone else, but tough noogies.

Later!